Hey Girl, how’s it going? Remember that time you asked me what I was wearing to that gay club that I went to with you, to be supportive? But you didn’t ask me in a way that intonated your curiosity – it was laden with sarcasm and disgust bordering on despair. And it was framed as a rhetorical…
“Stop the words now
Open the window in the center of your chest
and let the spirits fly in and out.”—Rumi, from “Where Everything Is Music”, in The Essential Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks (thanks, menata)
You know those book hangovers when you wake up in the morning after finishing the book the night before and the FIRST thing you think about is the book, and then you have all these feelings still and you don’t know what to do with them, and no one around understands, and it feels like reality is still moving around you but you’re stuck in that book hangover and still cannot make yourself care about anything in the real world because FEELINGS.
I think the worst part is that we were never together. We were never together and you never even knew that I wanted to be. And it’s like my loneliness isn’t justified because there’s no “left over” pain, there’s no “I want you back” pain, not even any “I don’t want you back but sometimes I still miss you” pain. I have nothing to mourn.
I’ve given up on all that, I really have. But then you do something (admittedly still kind of shitty) like answer a mass text a day late or I do something (admittedly stupid) like find a birthday message from 2 years ago with an inside joke in it and there are those stupid butterflies that make me want to punch myself in the stomach. They fade, though, eventually. The feeling is there, but the emotion isn’t, replaced instead by the barely-repressible nag of “what if?”
“I don’t want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting, or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they’re dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun. I want to hear about it because I know it’s possible, and because I want it for myself.”—Mindy Kaling on how “Married People Need to Step it Up” (via rufustfirefly)